I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
