if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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