You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
