you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
