how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
