do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
