What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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