remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
