I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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