so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
