it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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