I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i now understand why vodka
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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