Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
