I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
