just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The Olympian is in my bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
