I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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