the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
