you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
