Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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