I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
