FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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