what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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