So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
