the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
