1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
