I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize