So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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