I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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