You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
