His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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