Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
