He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
