How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
