Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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