It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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