you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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