We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
