spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
