I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
