Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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