it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
