I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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