Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
