don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
