I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
