He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
