Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
