my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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