Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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