see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
