I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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