Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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