it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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