no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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