She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
