Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
