ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize