I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
