listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
