Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
