I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
