I want to stick my p in your. b.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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