fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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