Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
