What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
