break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
