Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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