It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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