She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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