I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I look better un-naked...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
